How to get out of a ticket...
We’ve all been pulled over at least once at some point or another during our driving careers. If you haven’t, give yourself a pat on the back. Congratulations nerd! you’ve managed to live a lawful life. For those of us who swim against the current aka driving onto incoming traffic on a daily basis (and you find yourself actually reading this), give yourself a pat on the back too. You’ve managed to stay alive and not kill other innocent drivers or pedestrians or dogs. No one cares about cats, they have 9 lives anyway.
Everyone’s first thought upon getting pulled over is always something like, “I’m going to jail”. For some of you this is true if you live a lawless life of heavily unpaid parking and traffic tickets. Congratulations to you, You’re going to jail! Sorry, i can’t get you out of warrants. but for those of you who are as paranoid as I am and actually pay up for your lack of good judgement, relax, you’ll probably just get another equally expensive ticket for making that illegal u-turn in front of a pig...I mean cop!
Here's some advice for you daredevils to help you get yourself out of a ticket.
Do like Fluffy and carry some doughnuts. Chances are your pig, (damn it!) I mean cop... is hungry. If he’s anything but himself when hungry, this may be the reason he used his poor judgment to pull you over when you nearly killed that poor old lady as you carelessly took the red light for that left turn. I understand that carrying doughnuts every day can put a strain on your wallet and if you’re the type that cleans his/her car once a year, a pile of rotten doughnuts in your back seat may not be a good idea. Give the doughnuts away or Invest in fake doughnuts. I had an obsession with cup cakes for a long time in my early twenties, I even carried a ten pound cup cake keychain (juicy couture) for years on my keys, so my co-worker cleverly bought me a box of cup cake candles for Christmas, which really tricked my friends into thinking I had some out-of-this-world cup cakes in my room that I never ate and never rotted. I’m sure you can find fake doughnuts online.
3. Starbucks Apron
Always carry a Starbucks apron in your car. If you don't already work there, 6 times out of ten you either have a friend that does or are actually pretty chill with your local barista, ask them for one as they probably own about 20 aprons, most of which sit knotted in the dryer. Cops tend to be more lenient on Starbucks employees. Maybe because they like their coffee as dark as the law, but it’s certainly not the pastries. A coffee shop without doughnuts is no coffee shop, who decided doughnuts were a morning thing anyway? Bribe him with free coffee for life if they let you go with a warning.
When all else fails, cry your way out of it. Hearing the sirens behind your car should be reason enough to cry. but if you’re as cold hearted as my mother in law, tears won’t come easy. Carrying some water to smudge your mascara as you pull over is a great idea! I always have water in my car, usually to fill my radiator before each trip (poor people problems). For real tears, you may also think of your dead dog, your ex, taxes, or the fifty pounds of marijuana you agreed to hold for your boyfriend in your trunk. What spare tire?
If you happen to get pulled over by a female cop, forget it! You are doomed! Dead where you stand! Female cops are ruthless, you can choose to engage in a high speed chase but chances are you're going to jail wether you pull over or decide to step on it. If she asks for backup, you are definitely going to jail bro!
Like this post and leave your comments guys. Tell me what you did to get out of a ticket?